I'm Giving Up

I know that once you read these three words, your first thought is to fight me on it. I can tell you that this is my reasoning…
“God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of the world and the despised things- and the things that are not- to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him” (1 Cor 1:27-29).
I have fought on my own for too long, and even done this ministry by myself, in my own attempt to change the world. Somewhere along the way I seem to have lost the concept that it was His idea in the first place. I have been reading through the gospel in an attempt to “figure” out this life and the reasoning behind it. Time and time again Jesus talks about the heart. A man murders even he wishes someone to die. Adultery happens even at one lustful glance. It’s so obvious (now) that it’s not about what we do and don’t do, God looks at the heart. He wants to know that no matter where you are, no matter what you are doing, that you are willing to draw close: you long to know Him more, to love him more. Following in obedience starts with our attitude. You see, we are not the ones who are going to change the world, He is. It’s not about what we have to offer, what we can do. It’s about whether we are willing to be a part of what He is already doing.
I know that God is moving in some big ways to fight against sex trafficking. I know that He has given me a heart for it. I know that I will always fight for the cause, but now I’m giving up in trying to do it on my own. I will do my best to pass on the vision and the passion, but it’s up to Him to change it. I cannot try to figure out where I will be in ten years, I can only see what He has for me here and now. I want to be a part of where He is moving.
I have applied to a couple of colleges to study fashion design for a couple of years, so that is what I am working towards next. I will hopefully start in the fall of 2009. I will find out from the one I am most interested in, in the next couple of weeks. Please be praying. I hope to be able to travel to Thailand a few times while I am studying (God willing) to be able to meet with the rescued girls we will be working with. Our hope is to get a good start on a simple clothing line by next year.
I know now to hold these plans with an open hand because I no longer want to live for me, because this is His plan after all. I want to be ready and willing to go where He wants. Besides all that, I don’t think that I could design clothes on my own!
One thing that I do know, is that I will be home at the beginning of April to spend time with my best friend before she gets married. I have a peace about going home this time, to be with the ones I love and actually “be” at home this time. I cannot tell you exactly what happens after that. I must trust as I learn to follow Him.